sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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