Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
