you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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