She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
