Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
