Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
