I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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