All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
