It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
