Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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