You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
