..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize