I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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