operation harelip BJ is a go
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
