don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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