I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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