Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
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