Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I am midnight drunk by noon
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
