you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Randomize
