i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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