I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
