I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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