doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
