Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I stole a fireplace last night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
