Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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