You're my little dorito
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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