I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize