If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
