they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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