i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
