Nicole vs. Life
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
