I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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