So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
