I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
