So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
