her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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