OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
