As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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