Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
