I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
