you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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