I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
