sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
