I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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