I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
