I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
