dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
