Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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