I just saw a hot homeless man
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
