So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
