who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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