She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
