he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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