either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
