My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
