I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
