New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
