Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
