Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
