you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
