Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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