I want to have your abortion
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
