I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
