I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
