I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
