Just fell off a train. Bad.
my phone needs a breathalizer
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
