I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
