if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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