Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
