Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
