If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
