my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
